


let future historians wonder

by ClassyFangirl



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst, Implied Masturbation, M/M, Pining, sexual fantasies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:16:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5685265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClassyFangirl/pseuds/ClassyFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barry considers his feelings regarding Eobard Thawne, and finds more questions than answers.</p>
<p>
  <i>(I hope that you burn.)</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	let future historians wonder

**Author's Note:**

> Written all in one sitting with "Burn" from _Hamilton_ on repeat in the background. (as one does.) I've got at least two more Flash fics in the works at the moment as well.
> 
> Supposed to take place in the months between the season one finale and the season two premiere but the timeline, with regard to how Barry feels about Wells/Eobard, may be a bit fuzzy.

_"And now, somehow," Eobard said, "I know what Joe and Henry feel when they look on you with pride. With love."_

The memory stings every time it repeats in Barry's mind. At the time, he hadn't understood what Eobard possibly could've felt- how could he hate Barry so much yet claim to love him at the same time?

He thinks he understands now. The awful bile that rises in his throat whenever he thinks about Eobard while he finds himself missing Harrison Wells. He's disgusted as his heart breaks.

Barry Allen, despite his powers, has always considered himself a pretty simple guy, mysteriously murdered mother and wrongfully imprisoned father notwithstanding. He believes in doing the right thing, and that people who do wrong will get what they deserve. He believes in the scientific method and he believes in love.

He is beginning to believe Eobard Thawne really did love him, because Barry Allen loved Harrison Wells- he still does.

Barry had thought they were building up to something, before he grew suspicious of Harrison. The fact that Barry had a crush on Doctor Wells of STAR Labs had been a poorly kept secret for the last few years. The idea that Harrison could possibly reciprocate those feelings- well. Barry had spent plenty of late nights at Harrison's side, waiting, hoping.

Thinking about it now makes him feel sick, but not as awful as he's supposed to feel, he thinks. He remembers how he'd shiver every time Harrison-  _Eobard_ -said his name and he feels a strange mix of disgust and guilty arousal. He remembers the nights he'd take himself in hand and think about those piercing eyes watching him, think about sitting in his lap and letting his hands part his thighs-

(The last time Barry did that was only a week ago, and with dried seed on his stomach he retched into the trashcan by his desk.)

He loves Harrison Wells. He hates Eobard Thawne. The fact that everything Harrison Wells did that made Barry love him so much was an action of Eobard Thawne makes his skin crawl.

The more that he thinks about it, the less sure Barry is of anything at all about Eobard. Did he really hate Barry? Did he really care about him? Answers that would've come to him so readily just a few weeks ago make him hesitate now. Telling anyone about it makes him want to run far, far away from Central City.

He wants to turn to Doctor Wells for advice; even after all that's happened, Barry's first thought is to confide in the man he considered a mentor, could've thought of as...more. It makes every inch of him ache just to think about.

Even when Barry shuts everyone else out, he never feels alone. He can feel Eobard hanging over him. Sometimes he thinks he'll be standing there when he turns around.

Sometimes he  _hopes_ it.

The city is quiet.


End file.
